Fabulous rainbow appeared at my first viewing of the ocean.
I had no idea I could tan so well!!
Spain I love you!
I can not express well enough , just how much it took me to do this. I had been terrified of flying, the thought of even contemplating going to the airport let alone boarding an actual plane had always, without fail, sent me into a panic.
I was lucky to be with such a patient man, who had gently and persistently encouraged me to get my passport. I remember the day it arrived through the post, feeling so excited and extremely nauseous at the same time. Of course, my passport photograph didn’t help with the nausea, what do they do with those things that make you look so dreadful?? Oh my life, I dreaded handing that thing over and part of me was really hoping to get pulled to the side and asked if it was really me on this picture .. ha ha ha!
So my passport had arrived and it was all getting real. My partner had relatives in Spain and it was only a short two hour flight, so we thought this would be ideal. I would get to meet more of his family and not be on the plane for too long.
A few months to go and I was already waking with indescribable fear. There was no way I was going to be hypnotised so I started my list of affirmations which is something I practice now, when I’m faced with things I need to conquer. Here is my list, I silently said to myself multiple times every morning, night and as often as I could manage throughout the day:
I am a safe traveller.
I am protected whilst travelling.
I am safe travelling in an airplane.
I love travelling.
I am happy, confident and safe in all forms of travel.
I have to say as the months went by, I most definitely felt more and more eager to conquer this silly fear. I went to the Docs aswell though, (as you do when you’re becoming slightly neurotic) just to be certain that “I was fit to fly”.
The morning of the flight, I was physically unable to speak! I was just mulling over my affirmations and dropping Bachs Flowers Rescue Remedy under my tongue like a desperate junky. I had packed every medication, for every possible scenario I could possibly imagine.
I was ready!! Then the taxi rang to say he was outside and that’s when my legs turned to jelly. I’m surprised he let us in the cab with my stumbled walk, my incessant, incoherent waffling all the way, it would have been easy to assume I was paraletic drunk.
I managed the check in and actually spoke a couple of real words! To my disappointment, she didn’t frown with confusion at my passport picture but never mind.
We went to the restaurant. I had a cup of tea and managed to eat a piece of toast while constantly kwelling that little voice in my head telling me to run back through those doors and jump in the nearest taxi back home!
We checked the flights and our plane was boarding. My stomach felt like there were hundreds of tiny diggers in it trying to escape. I went through the tunnel and we took our seats. We also took a selfie which I won’t post here for worry of frightening any frail readers. I looked petrified, behind a fake, overly unconvincing smile.
Whilst the safety procedures were being read out, I shoved my fingers into my ears and shut my eyes. Too much!
The engine started to roar and so did my tummy. With my fingernails deeply embedded into my partners hand and praying in my head, we were on the move.
Oh my life! I loved it! That feeling of speed and then take off, I was so overwhelmed, I could have sobbed. It was amazing, the whole flight was great. I surprised myself by looking out of the window much of the time and the landing was equally as fabulous as the take off.
I can’t describe very well the awesome feeling of stepping off that plane and knowing that I was in a different country for the first time. I know it’s something that millions of people do for the first time but for me I had never entertained the idea before. It was something that out of fear I vowed never to do.
It has been one of my biggest conquers and I am so happy and proud of myself for doing it. I can say in honesty now that I love flying, I love travelling. It’s one of the most liberating feelings to know that you have conquered a fear.
I can’t imagine denying myself these experiences now, such beautiful countries and places to see. Being in totally new surroundings, with sun shining and no rain, is something I constantly crave now and go at least once a year.
We had the most fabulous time. Spain is such a beautiful country and the people were so welcoming. The ocean is stunning and I can’t wait to see more of Spain in the future.
I would love to hear if anyone else has conquered the fear of flying and how you did it? Please comment below x